The Gospel according to St. Titleist

May thy ball lie in green pastures
-- and not in still waters.
       ~Author Unknown 
 
The only time my prayers are never answered
is on the golf course.
       ~Billy Graham

Golf appeals to the idiot and the child in us.   
Just how childlike golfers become is proven
by their frequent inability to count past five.
       ~John Updike 
 

It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place
the world is when one is playing golf.
       ~Robert Lynd

If profanity had an influence on the flight of the ball,
the game of golf would be played far better than it is.
       ~Horace G. Hutchinson 
   
They say golf is like life, but don't believe them.
Golf is more complicated than that.
     ~Gardner Dickinson 
    
  If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork
the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.
     ~Sam Snead

Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.
       ~William Wordsworth          

If you drink, don't drive.  Don't even putt.
       ~Dean Martin          

If you are going to throw a club,
it is important to throw it ahead of you,
down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy
going back to pick it up.
       ~Tommy Bolt          

Man blames fate for other accidents,
but feels personally responsible
when he makes a hole in one.
       ~Author Unknown

I don't say my golf game is bad,
but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced.
       ~Author Unknown     

      My handicap?    
Woods and irons.
       ~Chris Codiroli          

The ardent golfer would play if somebody would put a flagstick on top  Mount Everest
       ~Pete Dye          

I'm hitting the woods just great --
but having a terrible time getting out of them!
      ~Author Unknown          

If you think it's hard to meet new people,
try picking up the wrong golf ball.
       ~Jack Lemmon          

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls
while they are still rolling